dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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