wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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