I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
