i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
