So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
