Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
