Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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