make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
