He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
