I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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