You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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