Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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