apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
