no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
