I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he told me I talked like a deaf person
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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