Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
