So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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