my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
