I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
