..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
