his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Ladies don't puke and tell
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
