You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
