You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I need water and some morals
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
