I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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