I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
