Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
