So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
