if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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