Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
