I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
