Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
