Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Holy shit dude........stairs
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
