You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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