I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
