So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I need help removing her.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
