i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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