Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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