I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
