her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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