Already got asked if we're dating
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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