my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
