You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
