If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
