btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
where are my pants?
in the oven.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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