I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
