I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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