my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
