The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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