I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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