11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
