took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
