it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
