remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
