I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
