my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
