I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
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