you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
