Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
