I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Randomize
